The particular boy and his father stood in the middle of our quiet street. "What are you doing? " I asked.
"Throwing buckeyes! " the kid beamed as he and Dad playfully launched two lower the hill. I watched them in the Saturday sun along with fell into a gap.
The world is full of gaps. Gender gaps. Era gaps. Credibility gaps. Some shouldn't be missed, like Ireland's wonderful Gap of Dunloe. And some, like the one in the London tube, should be avoided. ("Mind the Gap" - lest you find yourself floundering among train and platform! )
Ever hear the term gap 12 months? It usually refers to a break taken by the high school or university grads that defers enrollment in the next phase of life. Preferably, one uses a gap year to do something completely out of the package: work, volunteer, intern, apprentice, self-study, travel... or any real world providing. The implicit goal is to figure out what you really want or avoid want to do with your life.
In January a couple of years ago, our child headed off for a travel adventure in SE Asia whilst our son and his girlfriend headed to Malaysia to teach British there. They each had vague plans for after. But spaces have a habit of transforming those who venture into them which is the whole point. I used their departure to ask myself, "Where can I find some gaps to give me more of what I need this season? " I realized I needed to get back to writing fiction.
Grown-ups and teens say they want more time to do the stuff these people really enjoy. Sounds like a worthy New Year's Resolution. Instead of awaiting life to slow down how about looking for gaps? I'm not speaking about major gaps that require chucking your "real" life for a season. I'm talking about tiny gaps we continuously overlook despite their own fluttering, glowing and vibrating all around us. Gaps in the kitchen, in the car... between gulping coffee and thinking about the next six things you have to do. Typically the doorway into a gap might be the curl of your son's tresses or a bird flying over the freeway. Or... just about anything.
In the nature of the new year, here's a challenge. Right here, at your computer, fall into a niche. Go ahead, no one's watching. As you read these words, quit for a minute. Breathe in... and notice yourself breathing in. Breathe out... in addition to focus on breathing out. (C'mon, play along with me. ) Gradually look around the room. Find something familiar and appreciate something new about this. Consciously turn off autopilot and life slows and quiets along a bit. What might happen if you consciously looked for different moments and, for example, appreciated your children in new ways? How might your own experience of parenting change? How about your perception of who you are and matters to you as an individual?
Just to be clear, I'm not suggesting dropping out and contemplating your cuticles 24/7. I'm just suggesting that life offers more options than stress/productivity vs. nirvana/slackerdom. Look, I'm one of the most productive people I know and proud of this. So believe me when I say that you can find gap moments but still be productive. When I fall into a gap, which I've been doing more often (I'm in one right now), I simultaneously become calmer and much more energized. That opens me up creatively, intellectually, intuitively... plus my productivity soars.
I know from my email that teenagers are stressed. You can help them by finding gap moments in your life. That can lower your stress levels which will decrease the overall tension in your home. Talk to your kids about the concept of a gap... a momentary crack from day-to-day business. Model it for them. The payoff? You'll start to savor your life on a deeper level. And with your leadership, your loved ones will live in time instead of just passing through.
Happy New Year and watch away for flying buckeyes.
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